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 10. Identify your social value and strengths. Just because you're not the alpha in the room, have the most booming voice, or get the party started doesn't mean you lack social strengths. Are you a great listener? Do you have an eye for detail? Or is it something that has still not even occurred to you, so sit back for a second. Are you better at observing than most of those around you? Probably. Find what your strengths are and focus on them. 

11. Don't get caught up in labels. For the record, popular people aren't happy. Extroverts aren't necessarily popular or happy and shy people aren't necessarily introverts, unhappy, or cold and aloof. Just as you don't want to be caught up in labels, don't tack them onto anyone else either. 

Bonus: Start a conversation. Remember that awesome project you completed? That mountain you hiked up? That illness you overcame? If you can do all those things, this conversation will be a piece of cake. Add a detail to basic statements. If someone asks you where you live, it's easy for the conversation to stop in a super-awkward, feel-like-you've-failed dead halt. Instead of saying "On Jump Street," say, "On Jump Street, right next to that awesome bakery. "That way, the person has something to comment on, keeping the conversation going. Instead of replying, "Oh, cool." They'll say, "Oh my god, have you tried their chocolate croissants?!"

Smile and make eye contact. A simple smile in the direction of a stranger may brighten your day, and it will brighten theirs too! Smiling is a friendly way to acknowledge others, and it makes a pretty good lead-in to start a conversation with anyone, stranger or friend. You're showing you're harmless, friendly, and wanting to engage.  Introduce yourself to one new person each day. It is often easier to talk with strangers, at least briefly. After all, you may never see them again, so who cares what they think about you? That guy down the street, walking to the bus. Try to make eye contact with him and smile. It's literally 3 seconds of your time! Record your success. Write down your successes. Seeing the progress, you've made is great motivation to keep going. In a few weeks, you'll be amazed at the control you're taking over this, convincing you even more that this thing is doable. Keep up the great work.

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 5. Place your attention on others. For 99% of us, we become shy when we think if we speak up or stand out, we'll embarrass ourselves. That's why it's important to focus on others, placing our (mental) attention elsewhere. When we stop focusing on ourselves, we stop being able to be worried how we come off.

6. Visualize that you are not shy. Close your eyes and visualize a situation where you might be shy. Now, in your mind's eye, think about being confident. Do this often, and for different situations. This is most effective if you do this daily, especially in the morning. 

7. Practice good posture. Standing tall gives the world the impression that you are self-confident and receptive to others. Often, we are treated the way we feel about ourselves - so if you feel open and approachable, your body will emulate that feeling.

8. Practice speaking clearly to yourself. This will help avoid the potential embarrassment of needing to repeat what you said due to mumbling or talking too quietly. You got to get used to hearing your own voice! Loving it, even.

9. Don't compare yourself to others. The more you compare yourself to others, the more you will feel that you are not able to measure up and the more intimidated you will feel, which will make you even more shy. There is no use to compare yourself to anybody else. You are who you are!!!!

 

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 1. Accept you are shy. The more you will resist it unconsciously or consciously, longer it will prevail. If you are shy, then accept it and embrace it totally. 

2. Under what situations are you shy Do you become shy in front of new audiences? When learning a new skill? When venturing into a new situation? When surrounded by people you know and admire? When you don't know anyone somewhere? Try to pinpoint the thoughts that go through your head right before the shyness hits.

3. Make a list of situations that make you feel anxious. Put these situations in an Order such that those things that cause you the “least” anxiety are  and those that cause you the “most” anxiety are last. When you put things in concrete terms, it feels like a task you can tackle and tackle successfully.

4. Conquer the list. Once you have a list of 10-15 stressful situations, start working through them, one-by one (after you read the section of the book, of course). The first few "easier" situations will help build your confidence so that you can continue moving to more difficult situations on your list. 

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 Shyness doesn't necessarily equate to being introverted or not liking yourself. It simply means that for some reason you get embarrassed when the spotlight hits you. What's the root of your shyness? It's generally the symptom of a larger problem. Here are four possibilities:

• You have a weak self-image. This happens when we evaluate ourselves and that voice in our heads is negative. It's tough to stop listening to it, but at the end of the day it's your voice and you can tell it what to say.

 • You have issues believing compliments given to you. Whether or not you think you look good, someone did, and that's why they told you so. You wouldn't call them a liar, would you? Lift your chin, say "thank you" and accept it. Don't try to tell the person who paid you a compliment that they're wrong. 

• You are preoccupied with how you come off. This happens when we focus too much on ourselves. Because we spend all day monitoring our actions and making sure we don't mess up, we assume everyone else is too. We'll talk about turning the focus on others if this sounds like you. 

• You are labelled as shy person by others. Sometimes, when we're little, we're shy. Unfortunately, people latch onto that and treat us as such, even when our personalities grow out of it.

11 rules to a positive Life - 3

 

9. Its OK to cry

We are human beings, and we have emotions. This is all quite natural. It is quite natural to feel big things deeply, and it’s OK to let it all show. We don’t have to be ashamed of our feelings. It is OK to cry. Sitting on our feelings isn’t a good idea. They just get squashed that way. It’s far better to let them out, deal with them, and then get on with things. If we go through trauma, upsetting experiences, and difficult times, it certainly doesn’t help to be thinking all the time that we have to keep a lid on it or people will think us weak or out of control.

10. Know where your true happiness come from

People get addicted to buying new stuff or falling in love or whatever because they just love that feeling without realizing that they already have it. They have to keep having their “fix” because they think it’s the only way to get that feeling going. The secret is knowing how to trigger it without anyone else or anything else being involved. No, I don’t know. You have to find that one for yourself. Clue: It’s the one place you’d never think of looking—yep, right inside you.

11.know when to walk away

You may want to get even. Don’t get mad; walk away. This is much better than getting even because it shows you have risen above whatever it is that is driving you crazy. And there can be no better way of getting even than to ignore something so completely it can be left behind. Letting go and walking away means you are exercising control and good decision-making powers—you are making your choice rather than letting the situation control you.

Bonus Tip :Mind your manners

You’re probably thinking that you have good manners already. Most of us believe we do. However, the more you hurry and the more stress you are under, the more manners are likely to slip. All of us, if we’re honest, will admit to forgetting to properly express gratitude for something when frazzled by life or feeling a huge temptation to push in front of somebody old when rushing to catch a bus. However rushed and fraught you are (and following the Rules should make you less so), you should always make the effort to show these good manners: • Lining up without pushing • Complimenting people when you need to   •Saying “good morning” • Thanking people when they’ve looked after you or done something for you • Being hospitable • Observing manners of other communities • Not grabbing the last piece of cake • Being courteous and charming

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4. Dream

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world , change it” Steve Jobs

You are allowed to wish for anything you want as well. Look, wishes and dreams are private affairs. There are no wish police, no dream doctors who are on the rampage looking out for unrealistic demands. It is a private thing between you and … that’s it. Between you and absolutely no one else at all. The only note of caution here—and I do speak from personal experience—is to be very careful of what you do wish for, what you dream of, because it might just come true. And where would you be then? A lot of people think their dreams have to be realistic to be worth dreaming about. But that’s a plan, and that is something quite different. I have plans, and I take logical steps to make them come to fruition. Dreams are allowed to be so improbable that they are never likely to come true. And don’t go thinking you’ll never achieve anything by sitting around daydreaming all day. Some of the most successful people have also been those who have dared to dream the most. It isn’t a coincidence.

5. Have “Me Time”

So what are you going to do with that time? Answer: absolutely nothing. And I do mean nothing. This isn’t time for lying in the bath, sitting on the toilet, meditating, reading the newspapers, or sleeping. This is a little space for you, a breather, a time to sit still and do absolutely nothing. Just breathe. I find that ten minutes sitting in the garden just breathing is a fantastic boost a couple of times a day. I sit there, not thinking, not doing, not worrying, just being, while I appreciate the pleasure of being alive. I find time spent doing nothing really important, and as soon as I complicate it, it loses something. If I add glass of Juice to my solitude, then it’s a Juice break and not a space just for me. If I listen to music, then it’s a music break. If I have a companion with me and I chat, then it’s a social occasion. If I read the papers then I have moved away entirely from the concept of a little space for me. Keep it simple. Keep it bare. Keep it pure.

6. Have a laugh

By letting go of things that really aren’t important, we can put ourselves back on the right track. And the best way to do that is through humor—laughing at ourselves, laughing at our situation, but never laughing at others—they’re just as lost as we are and don’t need to be laughed at. Laughing at yourself and situations you find yourself in has a double positive effect. First, it diffuses tension and helps regain a sense of proportion. Second, it has real physical as well as mental benefits.

7. Step outside your comfort Zone

Be prepared to be a little bit brave every day. Why? Because if you don’t you’ll grow stagnant and moldy or curl up and wither. We all have a comfort zone where we feel safe and warm and dry. But every now and then we need to step outside and be challenged, be frightened, be stimulated. It’s this way that we stay young and feel good about ourselves. If we grow too attached to our comfort zone, chances are it will start to shrink, or something will come along and dismantle it. If we have practiced stretching the boundaries of our woolly cocoon occasionally, that kick won’t have too much impact—we’re ready for it—it’s much easier to cope.

8. Ask Questions

Asking questions gives you time to think, buys you breathing space. Rather than flying off the handle because you think you know the situation, it’s better to ask a few questions and find out the truth. You’ll be better equipped to respond logically, calmly, and correctly

11 rules to a positive Life

 

1.Accept yourself

This has to be a Rule because there can be no choice here. We have to accept that we are the way we are. You come fully loaded with desires, anguish, sins, pettiness at times, mistakes, ill temper, rudeness, deviation, hesitation, and repetition. That’s what makes a human being so wonderful:s the complexity. None of us can ever be perfect. We start with what we’ve got and who we are and then we can only make a choice, each day, to strive for some kind of better. And that’s all people can ask of us—to make that choice. To be awake and aware, to be ready to do the right thing. And accept that some days you aren’t going to make it. Some days you will, like all of us, fall far short. That’s OK; don’t beat yourself up. Pick yourself up and start again.

2. What is important and what is not?

This means focusing on what is important to you in your life and making positive changes to ensure you feel happy with what you are dedicating your life to (see Rule 6). This doesn’t mean long-term plans mapped out to the smallest detail. It means knowing, roughly, where you are going and what you are doing. Be awake rather than asleep. Having time for loved ones and friends is important; watching the latest show isn’t. Repaying a debt is important; what brand of detergent you use isn’t.

3. Be flexible

We all have set patterns in life. We like to label ourselves as this or that and are quite proud of our opinions and beliefs. We all like to read a set paper, watch the same sorts of TV shows or movies, go to the same sort of shops every time, eat the sort of food that suits us, wear the same type of clothes. And all this is fine. But if we cut ourselves off from all other possibilities, we become boring, rigid, hardened—and thus likely to get knocked about a bit. You have to see life as a series of adventures. Each adventure is a chance to have fun, learn something, explore the world, expand your circle of experience and friends, and broaden your horizons. Shutting down to adventure means exactly that—you are shut down.