11 secrets to overcome shyness 1

 Shyness doesn't necessarily equate to being introverted or not liking yourself. It simply means that for some reason you get embarrassed when the spotlight hits you. What's the root of your shyness? It's generally the symptom of a larger problem. Here are four possibilities:

• You have a weak self-image. This happens when we evaluate ourselves and that voice in our heads is negative. It's tough to stop listening to it, but at the end of the day it's your voice and you can tell it what to say.

 • You have issues believing compliments given to you. Whether or not you think you look good, someone did, and that's why they told you so. You wouldn't call them a liar, would you? Lift your chin, say "thank you" and accept it. Don't try to tell the person who paid you a compliment that they're wrong. 

• You are preoccupied with how you come off. This happens when we focus too much on ourselves. Because we spend all day monitoring our actions and making sure we don't mess up, we assume everyone else is too. We'll talk about turning the focus on others if this sounds like you. 

• You are labelled as shy person by others. Sometimes, when we're little, we're shy. Unfortunately, people latch onto that and treat us as such, even when our personalities grow out of it.

11 rules to a positive Life - 3

 

9. Its OK to cry

We are human beings, and we have emotions. This is all quite natural. It is quite natural to feel big things deeply, and it’s OK to let it all show. We don’t have to be ashamed of our feelings. It is OK to cry. Sitting on our feelings isn’t a good idea. They just get squashed that way. It’s far better to let them out, deal with them, and then get on with things. If we go through trauma, upsetting experiences, and difficult times, it certainly doesn’t help to be thinking all the time that we have to keep a lid on it or people will think us weak or out of control.

10. Know where your true happiness come from

People get addicted to buying new stuff or falling in love or whatever because they just love that feeling without realizing that they already have it. They have to keep having their “fix” because they think it’s the only way to get that feeling going. The secret is knowing how to trigger it without anyone else or anything else being involved. No, I don’t know. You have to find that one for yourself. Clue: It’s the one place you’d never think of looking—yep, right inside you.

11.know when to walk away

You may want to get even. Don’t get mad; walk away. This is much better than getting even because it shows you have risen above whatever it is that is driving you crazy. And there can be no better way of getting even than to ignore something so completely it can be left behind. Letting go and walking away means you are exercising control and good decision-making powers—you are making your choice rather than letting the situation control you.

Bonus Tip :Mind your manners

You’re probably thinking that you have good manners already. Most of us believe we do. However, the more you hurry and the more stress you are under, the more manners are likely to slip. All of us, if we’re honest, will admit to forgetting to properly express gratitude for something when frazzled by life or feeling a huge temptation to push in front of somebody old when rushing to catch a bus. However rushed and fraught you are (and following the Rules should make you less so), you should always make the effort to show these good manners: • Lining up without pushing • Complimenting people when you need to   •Saying “good morning” • Thanking people when they’ve looked after you or done something for you • Being hospitable • Observing manners of other communities • Not grabbing the last piece of cake • Being courteous and charming

11 rules to a positive Life - 2

 

4. Dream

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world , change it” Steve Jobs

You are allowed to wish for anything you want as well. Look, wishes and dreams are private affairs. There are no wish police, no dream doctors who are on the rampage looking out for unrealistic demands. It is a private thing between you and … that’s it. Between you and absolutely no one else at all. The only note of caution here—and I do speak from personal experience—is to be very careful of what you do wish for, what you dream of, because it might just come true. And where would you be then? A lot of people think their dreams have to be realistic to be worth dreaming about. But that’s a plan, and that is something quite different. I have plans, and I take logical steps to make them come to fruition. Dreams are allowed to be so improbable that they are never likely to come true. And don’t go thinking you’ll never achieve anything by sitting around daydreaming all day. Some of the most successful people have also been those who have dared to dream the most. It isn’t a coincidence.

5. Have “Me Time”

So what are you going to do with that time? Answer: absolutely nothing. And I do mean nothing. This isn’t time for lying in the bath, sitting on the toilet, meditating, reading the newspapers, or sleeping. This is a little space for you, a breather, a time to sit still and do absolutely nothing. Just breathe. I find that ten minutes sitting in the garden just breathing is a fantastic boost a couple of times a day. I sit there, not thinking, not doing, not worrying, just being, while I appreciate the pleasure of being alive. I find time spent doing nothing really important, and as soon as I complicate it, it loses something. If I add glass of Juice to my solitude, then it’s a Juice break and not a space just for me. If I listen to music, then it’s a music break. If I have a companion with me and I chat, then it’s a social occasion. If I read the papers then I have moved away entirely from the concept of a little space for me. Keep it simple. Keep it bare. Keep it pure.

6. Have a laugh

By letting go of things that really aren’t important, we can put ourselves back on the right track. And the best way to do that is through humor—laughing at ourselves, laughing at our situation, but never laughing at others—they’re just as lost as we are and don’t need to be laughed at. Laughing at yourself and situations you find yourself in has a double positive effect. First, it diffuses tension and helps regain a sense of proportion. Second, it has real physical as well as mental benefits.

7. Step outside your comfort Zone

Be prepared to be a little bit brave every day. Why? Because if you don’t you’ll grow stagnant and moldy or curl up and wither. We all have a comfort zone where we feel safe and warm and dry. But every now and then we need to step outside and be challenged, be frightened, be stimulated. It’s this way that we stay young and feel good about ourselves. If we grow too attached to our comfort zone, chances are it will start to shrink, or something will come along and dismantle it. If we have practiced stretching the boundaries of our woolly cocoon occasionally, that kick won’t have too much impact—we’re ready for it—it’s much easier to cope.

8. Ask Questions

Asking questions gives you time to think, buys you breathing space. Rather than flying off the handle because you think you know the situation, it’s better to ask a few questions and find out the truth. You’ll be better equipped to respond logically, calmly, and correctly

11 rules to a positive Life

 

1.Accept yourself

This has to be a Rule because there can be no choice here. We have to accept that we are the way we are. You come fully loaded with desires, anguish, sins, pettiness at times, mistakes, ill temper, rudeness, deviation, hesitation, and repetition. That’s what makes a human being so wonderful:s the complexity. None of us can ever be perfect. We start with what we’ve got and who we are and then we can only make a choice, each day, to strive for some kind of better. And that’s all people can ask of us—to make that choice. To be awake and aware, to be ready to do the right thing. And accept that some days you aren’t going to make it. Some days you will, like all of us, fall far short. That’s OK; don’t beat yourself up. Pick yourself up and start again.

2. What is important and what is not?

This means focusing on what is important to you in your life and making positive changes to ensure you feel happy with what you are dedicating your life to (see Rule 6). This doesn’t mean long-term plans mapped out to the smallest detail. It means knowing, roughly, where you are going and what you are doing. Be awake rather than asleep. Having time for loved ones and friends is important; watching the latest show isn’t. Repaying a debt is important; what brand of detergent you use isn’t.

3. Be flexible

We all have set patterns in life. We like to label ourselves as this or that and are quite proud of our opinions and beliefs. We all like to read a set paper, watch the same sorts of TV shows or movies, go to the same sort of shops every time, eat the sort of food that suits us, wear the same type of clothes. And all this is fine. But if we cut ourselves off from all other possibilities, we become boring, rigid, hardened—and thus likely to get knocked about a bit. You have to see life as a series of adventures. Each adventure is a chance to have fun, learn something, explore the world, expand your circle of experience and friends, and broaden your horizons. Shutting down to adventure means exactly that—you are shut down.

11 ways to tackle bullying

 

What is bullying?

“Teasing becomes bullying when it is a repetitive behavior with the conscious intention to harm or hurt someone. Bullying can make kids feel hurt, scared, lonely, embarrassed, and sad.”.

I have been bullied by my seniors in the school bus. I have been bullied by children in the residential society I live in. It is traumatic when you face it especially if you have never faced it or seen some one face it.

Below tips helped me fight it, I hope they help you too.

 

1.   Talk to your parents

If you are being bullied, it's very important to tell an adult first

Tell your parents the entire story. Parents are here to help and want to know what is going on with you. Your parents, moreover, may then be able to get in touch with teachers, bus driver etc at the school in order to try to stop the bullying. This is important particularly if you don't feel comfortable telling your teacher about it. I told my mother about the same and was relieved.

 

^2.        Bullying incidents should be reported to the school. Inform teachers, principals, and other school helpers.[6] These individuals have the power to get involved and help stop bullying. Sometimes bullies stop as soon as a teacher finds out because they're afraid they'll get in trouble. Teachers are very  important  if you're being bullied. They can protect you from bullying by letting you stay in the classroom during recess or by setting up a buddy to all ways be with you. They can talk to the teacher of the student who bullies you. I did the same once. I informed my class teacher, she inform my bullies class teacher and that boy did not bother me again. Believe me, the system is on your behalf .It's important to let your school know about any bullying incidents because there may be other kids being bullied by the same person.

 

3.   Talk to as many people as possible about it.. Just talking to someone about your experience can bring you a bit of relief. You have to let it out. Good people to talk to include a guidance counsellor, sibling, or friend, parents. They may offer some helpful solutions. Just talking about what you're experiencing and feeling can help you feel less alone.

11 methods to Improve Speech Part 3

 

1.     SING YOUR WAY TO GREAT SPEECH

As mentioned earlier, singing your words can really help to purify an accent or speech problem. Think Gareth Gates. He has overcome his lifelong stammer since building a successful career and working with a speech therapist using some of the techniques in this guide. Singing, no matter how badly, can help you purify your speech and lose a difficulty. It is virtually impossible to stammer whilst singing and accents are hidden by singing. Even if you are a lousy singer, in the privacy of your home, sing your words and then go back to normal speech immediately afterwards and notice how much better your diction is. Again a tape recorder is helpful to practise this technique.

 

 

2.     POSTURE - STAND TALL TO SPEAK WELL

The way that we stand and hold ourselves has a direct effect on our speech. Standing tall with your head held upright opens the throat and diaphragm for better quality speech. Never speak looking down, you will mumble, always look directly forwards and hold shoulders back and chest out. Give your passages and good open airway through which to operate.

If you suffer from bad posture, back problems or just habitually slouch, then try Yoga or Pilates or working on an exercise ball to strengthen and improve your posture.

 

3.     IMITATION

Listening is one of the most useful things one can do to improve your speech. Remember you first learned to speak by imitating those around you. We tend to develop our accents and speech from our parents and family members and our peers at school. Whatever we are exposed to most is how we learn. Our ear is established before or voice and in order to change your diction you need to relearn by listening. If you want to speak like a BBC newsreader, then listen to the news, even tape it. Listen to how Trevor Macdonald or Moira Stuart sound when they are presenting. Take sentences, listen and copy. Actors use the IMITATION technique all the time to create characters who sometimes speak with entirely different accents. They do this by listening and imitating someone who speaks in the way they need to speak for the part they are playing.

BBC Radio 4 is a great place to hear good speech. Saturate yourself with the sound of good clear RP (Received Pronunciation). Go to sleep listening to it for even greater effect.

 

 

4.     BREATHE YOUR WAY TO GOOD SPEECH

Our sound is very dependent on the way we breathe. To improve the quality of your speech you need to learn to breathe through your diaphragm. However, a simple technique to discover where you are breathing from is to talk whilst placing your hands on your ribcage, if you feel a resonance/vibration in between your ribs, you are breathing correctly. If you don’t you are speaking higher up in your chest. To lower your speech to your diaphragm, say the sound O (o-her) as in the word COUGH – say this repeatedly whilst placing your hands on your diaphragm until you feel the vibration there. It takes practise so don’t give up. You will learn to feel where your breath is and then you will breathe naturally through your diaphragm.

 

 

5.     TONGUE TWISTERS

Tongue twisters are a great way of strengthening your vocal ability. Use the exercise with the different techniques listed here – speaking on a whisper, singing, with a pencil in the mouth. This will strengthen your ability to have strong diction and to overcome lazy speech. Practise whenever you can.

A few examples

Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

She sells seashells on the seashore.

Red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry……etc

 

6.     WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT!

Not being rude, keep your mouth clean and fresh and look after your teeth. Poor dental care can affect our speech as gaps in the mouth change the whole structure of your sound and can lead to whistling sounds. Oral infections lead to throat infections which are fatal to good speech, so keep healthy – this is good advice anyway and diet and exercise help in all matter.

DO NOT SUCK SWEETS TO MOISTEN THE MOUTH…INSTEAD DRINK WATER. IT IS A MYTH THAT SUCKING HELPS THE THROAT AND MOUTH WHERE SPEECH IS CONCERNED.

 

7.     LOVE YOUR VOICE

Love your own voice. Our voice is part of our own unique identity. It is not necessarily a good thing to change an accent for instance, unless it is holding you back in your line of work or daily life. In fact you can never lose an established accent entirely, it is part of your heritage and whilst you can learn a new way of speaking, you can go back to your old way any time you choose.

Learn to love your voice and nurture it. Don’t concentrate on what is wrong with it, improve what is good about it. Tell yourself your speech is part of your unique wonderful identity and just like polishing your car, you can make it more beautiful, but it is beautiful anyway!

11 methods to Improve Speech Part 2

 

2.     MODIFY AN ACCENT, IMPROVE POOR DICTION

If you speak with an accent that you wish to modify or just have poor diction that you wish to improve, the quickest way to purifying the sound of your voice is to speak on a whisper.

Start by choosing a passage from a book, magazine or newspaper and read it out loud on a stage whisper, gradually increasing the volume of your voice.

Once you have practised this for about ten minutes, try taping your voice and then playing it back to yourself to see your progress.

Keep repeating this exercise until your sound is purified. It DOES work but some people will need to practise more than others if their accent is well established or their diction is particularly poor.

The same principal can be applied to singing words. Take a passage and sing the words getting louder and softer.

 

3.     PROJECT YOUR VOICE (Good for modifying Northern accents or quiet voice)

If you have difficulty being heard, have a quiet voice or a nasal quality to the tone of your voice ( particularly present in Northern accents such as Liverpudlian, Mancunian), you can bring your voice forward by speaking with a pencil in your mouth.

Place a pencil or straw between your lips and then read out loud holding the pencil between your lips. Keep practising this and then remove the pencil and attempt to read the same passage again without it. Keep repeating the exercise until your voice moves forward.

 

4.     CURE A STAMMER OR SPEECH DIFFICULTY

Stammers and speech impediments are often caused by lack of confidence. Therefore it is important to work on your self-esteem and remember that stammers and other speech impediments have often become habits. Just like giving up smoking or any other bad habit, stammers are some speech problems (not physical like cleft palate) are often just habits that we have established to cover shyness or lack of confidence.

First work on self-esteem techniques.

Give yourself permission now to lose the stammer or difficulty – Sounds ridiculous, but does work.

Say to yourself, ‘ I don’t need this habit any more, I can speak without it and BELIEVE you can do it.

It is much harder to speak badly when focusing your attention on keeping the pencil there.

A speech impediment can become so ingrained into our persona and sense of identity that we are almost afraid sub-consciously to lose it. It has become part of who we are and how we see ourselves. Positive affirmations that you speak with a strong, clear voice, can help for some people – visualizing that you no longer need the problem or speech defect and seeing yourself without it can also help. You need to make the picture in your mind clear and vibrant and see yourself speaking beautifully in different contexts and how that would feel.